This week’s episode of Paramount Plus’ gloriole TV show is incredible in the strictest definition of the term. I literally can’t believe what I saw.
Halo spoilers to come
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In the latest episode of gloriole, Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 fucks. He has sex with a covert human Covenant spy after the two bond over their shared magical abilities related to the mysterious artifacts that both humans and Covenant are after for most of the series. Apparently, the Master Chief is such an experienced lover that Makee, the Alliance spy, is willing to forsake her allegiance to humanity’s enemies. However, a series of misunderstandings and violent interactions with the United Nations Security Council cause Makee to change her mind and set in motion events that could potentially bring about the downfall of the planet Reach.
In short: the chief slapped his cheeks, then came the fall of reach.
I can’t choose a side here. I swing wildly between stunned disbelief and awe at what the showrunners have accomplished here. Even for a show that’s pretty clearly unrelated to the games and offers entirely new takes on established characters, having the Master Chief fuck still feels utterly inappropriate. We speak of a man who was kidnapped as a very young child and molded into an emotionless super soldier dedicated to preserving humanity at all costs. Not just this guy not Shit – I’m not convinced he would even know how.
The moment itself doesn’t really read like a love scene, more like comedy, largely because as the camera fades away from John and Makee, the camera cuts to a wide-eyed Cortana — the AI in John’s head — forcing it to do so will watch the sex unfold with that longing expression on her face. It was unintentionally funny. I laughed for a full minute, upsetting my sleeping dog and work partner.
Whether the Master Chief and the Spartans in general fuck is a relatively new question, stemming from a probing tweet, of all things.
My main issue with “Master Chief fucks Cortana” is if you read the Halo novels you know that Master Chief’s space suit automatically takes off
— wins (@drill) May 11, 2017
With Dril’s type of off-kilter tweet as a catalyst, people started posting fake pics from Eric Nylunds side The demise of the reach with a passage describing that the functions of a Mjolnir power suit also include a “sexual stimulant”.
Although the pictures were fake, a record of the incident is in at the time my box noticed that gloriole The developers have neither confirmed nor denied whether the Mjolnir armor is ribbed for Spartan enjoyment. However, acc The case of Reach, Spartan IIs – the generation of Spartans to which John belongs – are equipped with an emotion suppression chip, a fact gloriole Showrunners decided to stick with it. When John removed that chip on the show, it became one of my favorite moments as I was touched by his sheer emotion as I saw the everyday things I take for granted.
While I’m still undecided on how I feel about all of this, I think there are reasonable, canon-compliant explanations as to why the Master Chief went down with his Master Beef. It is internally consistent that a John bereft of his emotional regulator would be curious about sex. His training as a Spartan would have provided basic sex education, but only from a superficial, scientific approach. Also, the series has already shown him to be very emotional and vindictive for being denied a relationship with his parents. Aside from them, Makee was the only person he had any real connection with outside of his spartan life. I think with his new emotions he would want to explore every facet of being human, which for some people includes sex.
It is also true that in his capacity as a Spartan, John would do anything to complete his mission. Makee’s status as an Alliance insider and her stronger connection to the artifacts make her important to the UNSC’s mission to find the Halo weapon before the Alliance can. However, Makee does not trust the UNSC enough to cooperate. That is until she has sex with John. The Master Chief is the consummate soldier; He will use any tool necessary – including his own – to get the job done.
As a gloriole Lore fan, I can’t say I’ve ever given too much thought to whether the Master Chief fucks or not. Of course I can’t speak for everyone gloriole Fans, but a quick look at the AO3 section of the game tells me other fans haven’t either. There are about 2,000 fanfictions under the gloriole tag (1,400 if you remove all crossover fics), and only about 400 of those are rated for sexual content. The most popular relationship is, of course, Master Chief and Cortana. But pairings that don’t involve John at all are also given as much space as they instead focus on supporting characters like Sarah Palmer, named Covenant characters, and my personal favorites gloriole Mating, Tom-B292 and Lucy-B091.
During gloriole The TV show isn’t tagged yet, I can already see images popping up with John and Makee, John and Cortana, and much to my delight, Miranda Keyes and Spartan Kai-125. This week’s episode was filled with interpersonal angst, which is catnip for fic writers, so I’m expecting more fics, especially ones that go in *um* detail about John and Makee’s lovemaking to be up soon. Just don’t ask me to write any of this.